You can't motorboat a personality
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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