why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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