Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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