Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
