I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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