you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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