He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
