ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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