you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize