I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
