I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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