I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I forgot how hot balto sounded
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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