I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
