Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
