Soap is not a condiment
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I won't apologize to a one balled man
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
