my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
