Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
