im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
then he tried to convert me to islam
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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