Someone shit on the floor
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Oh god it's open bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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