Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
