There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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