he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
