i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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