on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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