So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
