Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's like God shit irony all over that family
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
