She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize