alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
