just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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