Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
