you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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