after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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