I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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