In the future we'll all be gay
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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