Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When are your genitals available?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
