Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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