we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
