Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i think my cat just said my name.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
