she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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