every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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