all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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