I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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