shes about as inviting as chlamydia
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
