forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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