just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
