Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
