absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
