i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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