Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
