No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who did Billy Mays play for?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
