OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
