Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
