Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
