Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
