New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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