i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
