$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
