theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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