He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
