I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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