I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
