She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
