Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
