I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
