He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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