Who did Billy Mays play for?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
